The List

Some background - The List is from a gentleman who thought that the best way to woo someone was to hand her a 19 point list of all his 'qualities' so that she can see what a super fantastic person he is, dump her boyfriend and be with him instead. This didn't happen ofcourse, she found it creepy, scanned it, emailed it to her work mate who then emailed it to her mate who happens to be my work mate and we dutifully forwarded it on and on.......




1 - Communication skill
2 - Interpersonal skill
3 - Passionate in love and Romantic (eg shower gifts)
4 - Professional driver
5 - Songwriter composer and singer
6 - Love Kids
7 - Could do with or without additional baby
8 - Go on holiday each year
9 - Engage in running, cycling, music (world music) favourite artists Bob Marley *blah blah blah* and pops of all sorts
10 - Eating out and dining in
11 - Possess strategies for enhancing multiple orgasm in lave making
12 - Feel motivated to take charge and be responsible in looking after my lover
13 - Open to a relationship - long term
Short term, no strings at the moment
14 - Love dancing at clubs once a while
15 - Educated to MSc level
16 - Current scheduled to commence PHD *word I can't make ou* in February
17 - Could be relid on, empathetic, cuddles and not judgemental
18 - Generous and down to earth
19 - Hate wifebiters (sic)

Now the first thing I'd like to know is why 19 points? Why not round it up to a nice even 20? If he could only think of 19 points why not make one up, or list a favourite colour? What's so special about 19? Is it a reference to the Paul Hardcastle 80's hit '19' itself apparently a reference to the average age of soldiers in Vietnam?

Anyway, onto the real problems with the The List...mostly it's really fucking creepy! On a dating site? Sure, fine go ahead list away but handing someone your friendly with at work (or anyone for that matter) a list with all your 'qualities' on knowing they're seeing someone else (or not, still creepy) and expecting them to jump into your arms rather than be even slightly weirded out by it is, well, just odd. It's like Nice Guy syndrome if Nice Guy was a real impatient bastard and needed a way for the woman he's lusting after to see all the things he thinks are ever so special about himself without actually having to bother with all that 'friendship' malarkey.

My personal favourites are;

7 - presumably he's got a kid already but doesn't seem to have gained enough information about raising them to decide whether or not he can be bothered with anymore, additional? Yeah, that's cold.

11 - What the fuck are these 'strategies'?? Does he have some sort of erogenous zone blueprint? A vulva shaped table top strategy game, with dice and a little painted army of multiple orgasm men? A super fantastic dildo? That robot from the Add N to (X)video?

19 - Hate Wifebiters - Yeah it's supposed to be beaters but it looks like biters which makes it even more absurd and amuses me. I don't understand any of this list, it completely baffles me but no 19 is the cherry on top, it's the potential relationship equivalent of Tubbs crying out 'we didn't kill them' at future victims in The League of Gentleman. It's nice to know but doesn't really fill you with confidence.

Overall it's an odd list, I can't ever see myself receiving such a list and thinking 'wow, you're a catch, be gone with you man scamp for I must have this man and his list of 19 qualities this instant!' but maybe someone out there doesn't find this creepy in any way?


*The list should now be readable, it's a bit crumpled from being in my bag & the little blue post it note is covering the name of the offices, he's so classy he just used standard work headed paper*