Angelina eats cake shock! Umm.....hang on.....

.....I thought I was supposed to do the mocking?

Eating cake is big news apparently! The rest of the article isn't of any particular interest other than as an advertisement for her upcoming film and pictures of her and Brad just in case you forgot what they, or their family, looked like.

Pepsi Max Streaker Ad

I think the Visa ad with the naked man was too much, now we're back to the naked women ads, or rather men wearing the naked woman flesh as a suit. I caught the end of this ad on TV, the end being the part that creeped me out the most. He's unzipped his naked woman suit halfway down and is sat drinking his stolen Pepsi Max with his friends whilst the naked woman suit hangs lifeless with her head over his crotch. Ugh. Tasteful.

Daily Mail day links.

Well, after seeing the awesomeness that is Star Trek (I love you Spock, have a civil relationship with me you logical mangod!) I needed a comedown so popped over to the Fail to see what brain shrinking goodies they had in store for me today;

Did you know Jordan & Peter Andre had split up? For anyone utterly devestated by that revelation and desiring more information we have their last public appearance or questions as to whether or not it's just a publicity stunt? Allison Pearce decides to blame the split on Petey marrying a monster! I haven't bothered to read any of those articles but I skimmed the last one and Ms Pearce pretty much asks;

I reckon Jordan should ask herself some hard questions. Like, how many men would take on their girlfriend's extremely volatile disabled child, not just with good grace, but with what looks suspiciously like love? That's what Peter Andre did with Harvey.

Ahhhh! Right, I get it, disabled children are so unlovable that Katie should be grateful that Pete put up with her and her spawn for so long! Thanks Fail, I hadn't realised that before, my mum's ex had a disabled daughter, do you have some sort of 'Accepting Disabled Kids of Others' award I can give to her? (Possibly but they'd probably take it back after finding out she was a single mum and the ex was a woman, she's pure chavvy evil!) I really don't care about the whole Peter & Jordan saga and I'm uncertain why it warrants 3 stories in one day.

Anyway, onwards to brainy women are having better sex except that it's 'emotional intelligence' rather than good old fashioned cleverness in the brain. Who cares? Let's belittle those 'bimbos' and shove a pic of a half naked woman wearing glasses in there, that about covers it right? I don't really care about assessing my sexual capabilities against the Mails standards but I did see a copy of a book about emotional intelligence at the in laws and well I don't want to think about that any further really. Ok, moving swiftly on........

Oh men and their silly man flu! Except now we have some sort of bullshit science to prove that those silly men and their 'illness'' is just because they are the weaker sex so catch numerous bugs that us hardcore ladies with iron clad immune systems just don't get, those big girls blouses.

On to clothes then, how much thigh should you show for your age? I'm in my twenties so apparently my LTZ (Lower Thigh Zone) can be vulva skimming, henceforth I'm going to work wearing nothing but a vest and a thong, seems like sound advice from the Mail there then.

Pregnant women are making their boys girls! Uggh! Who'd want that? Girls are icky and gross! Anyways, pregnant women should live in some sort of bubble or something because the Mail's Bullshitsciencepedometer says that boys babies will be all girly which means most probably gay and that's just icky!

Oooh a tricky one, they've gone for neutral tone on this one. It feels like they're testing the waters, waiting to see if the comments produce some jezebels who have had the audacity to visit such a place so that they can throw up some print version condemning the society and the whores who inhabit it. Personally the super special STD clinic makes me want to rub my face in the crotch of any passing petri dish of STD's, I mean, free WiFi? I'd buy a coffee for free WiFi so some doctor inspecting my vagina whilst I twitter? Why ever not? (I wonder if they'll publish that last bit?)

Did you know that Two thirds of wives are also raising a toddler? No, not 'women' who have children, wives! Don't get all 'independant woman' on me now, us ladies don't exist until marriage so even if those statistics, whatever they're supposed to represent (evil women not doing the proper thing and staying at home raising the kids?), are wrong it doesn't matter because anyone whose not a wifey doesn't actually exist.

If you decided to read any of those articles and didn't really understand a word of it then here's a dictionary to help you.

Don't do the crime if you can't do the, um....death?

Samantha Orobator is a 20 year old British woman currently in prison in Laos for smuggling drugs, the punishment for which is execution by firing squad. Currently she will not face the death penalty because she is pregnant, a pregnancy which occurred whilst she was in prison and is believed to be the result of rape. If Orobator testifies in court that she wasn't raped she will be transferred to a UK prison. Now I will say drugs are bad, smuggling drugs is bad and breaking the law incurs punishments etc. etc. but, you know, I'm liberal hippy and I find executing someone by firing squad a bit fucking extreme in any situation. Surely I'm not the only one, surely even Mail readers will find a warm spot in their cold dark hearts to offer some words of support?

Ofcourse they don't.

I cannot find it in my heart to feel sorry for this woman She chose to smuggle drugs knowing the penalty if caught and should be left to rot.Anyone who has had a relative whose life has been ruined because of drgs will feel no sympathy.She accepted the job and must accept the pay

- Christina Crosbie, LESMAHAGOW SCOTLAND, 10/5/2009 9:19

I'm quite certain you do not have a heart Christina.

So if she is sent back to UK and does not serve a term for her crime, what message does this give to other would be drug smugglers!!
If you comit the crime , you do the time.
justice must not be tampered with.

- Molly, Oxford, 10/5/2009 9:01

Execution by firing squad is pretty severe 'justice' Molly, don't you think?

if she is found guilty of drug smuggling she should serve her sentabce in Laos why should she be transfered to one of our holiday camps to serve probabaly a 3rd of her sentance If our prisons were as harsh as these maybe few criminals would be willing to re-offend

- keith, Spain, 10/5/2009 8:45

Ummm......well yeah, if we executed all our criminals then they wouldn't actually exist to re-offend.

Ofcourse theses comments and their ilk are voted up and the 2 sensible ones in support of getting her out of Laos are voted down.

It states in the article that she still faces death, the only thing currently keeping her alive is being pregnant, after she gives birth there is no guarantee she will be safe from execution, again it says this in the article. I don't understand the belief that the death penalty is a deterrent as the facts suggest otherwise but I suppose facts don't matter when there's a killing to be had.

Whenever I start to forgot how much I hate the Fail along comes a case like this and the venomous little bastards that are Fail readers come out of the woodwork to spout forth their sanctimonious hypocritical bile.

I've been lazy but here are some links!

The Mail: No Principles over at The Enemies of Reason - the Mail comments remind me of when I was a kid and my concept of right and wrong was amazingly simple, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer but ''only for good people'' obviously I grew up and realised the impossibility of that dream but I think a lot of Mail readers still genuinely think that way.

Pimp: A Bad Word Ian takes a break from comics and ponders about the word 'Pimp'

Rebellious Jezebel Blogging talks about the problems with Steampunk and it's representation of PoC, or rather lack of it.

Melanie Philips: Intelligently Designed? from No Sleep 'til Brooklands.

Steve the Penguin asks which is worse calling Truman a war criminal or dropping Atomic bombs on Japan?

Alan Tudyk explains the Theology of Alpha over at io9 - Not yet seen Dollhouse but I love Tudyk and that's a good enough reason for a link.

And a related Whedon link....'Cos chicks shouldn't dig sci fi! from Hoyden About Town.

Creepy man is watching you eat.

In the UK we have Gillian McKeith, a horribly nasty wench with a PhD in nutritional alchemy and treating people like shit. I loathe McKeith, she humiliates people, looks at their poo and removes all the joy out of eating for everyone, if not through her diet plan then through shouting about irritable bowels and farting whilst they're eating. (Well, that's what she did on Market Kitchen anyway).

In the US they're getting the 'Diet Detective'. Charles Stuart Platkin wants to save your life and saving lives involves stalking, an overly dramatic intervention and then diets, training with more stalking and mini interventions along the way.

Feministing remarks that;

Not only is this creepy, it's just plain wrong in so many ways. Do we really need ANOTHER television show that tells women they are ruining their lives because of what they put in their mouths?

Aside from it all being rather creepy I'm curious about the diet advice given. In this video he tells the woman that he's stalking helping, that it will take 5 hours to work off the calories in the ice cream she's eating. Now I'm not a nutritionist, dietician or doctor but I'm having a hard time believing that 'fact'. If a standard scoop of vanilla ice cream contains 145 calories and a brisk walk ''covering three-and-a-half miles in an hour, burns about 280 calories'' then surely it will take 30 minutes to burn off that ice cream rather than his suggested 5 hours? I could be wrong ofcourse, I'm obviously biased as I've eaten 3 Magnum Almonds this weekend (271 calories each!) and don't fancy walking non stop for an entire day to burn off those calories, but I kind of think I'm right and that this guy is just using lies and scare tactics to get quick results for his TV show.

I can't decide which is worse, a screaming food banshee or a passive aggressive stalker, but I'd prefer both of them to just quietly go away.